You will love Carol Burnett’s new memoir, This Time Together. Billy Crystal calls it “happy, sad, hilarious, and poignant.” Julie Andrews says “it’s funny, it’s endearing, and very moving.” Hal Prince points out that “it’s written the way she talks – nothing stilted, nothing distanced. You’ll read it in one gulp.”
Here’s one of our favorite stories from This Time Together, about a (mis)adventure Carol experienced when she first moved to New York. Funny and daring, just like Carol.
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Rumplemayer’s and the Mean Hostess
During the summer of 1959 Once upon a Mattress was enjoying a healthy run, and a few of us in the cast decided to splurge one Saturday night after the show and treat ourselves to a sundae at the most expensive ice cream parlor in New York City: Rumplemayer’s, in the St. Moritz Hotel on Central Park South. Even though Mattress had been running for a few months and I had done some television, I was far from being recognizable in public. Nonetheless, I was flush with the excitement of being in a hit stage show and raking in $80 a week to boot. I could afford a Rumplemayer’s treat.
Rumplemayer’s was a pretty posh ice cream parlor. You could spot familiar faces there anytime after the bows had been taken and the lights had dimmed on Broadway for the night. Some folks went to nightclubs or bars, but those who had a sweet tooth and who also wanted to be seen went to Rumplemayer’s. I remember having peeked in a few months earlier and spotting Marlene Dietrich in a gorgeous gray pantsuit at the counter, elegantly digging a long-handled spoon into a whipped cream goodie.
On this night four of us pushed our way through the re olving door and stood casing the scene as we waited for the hostess. It was crowded, but there were a couple of empty tables in the back. The hostess, in a blue dress with a white collar and cuffs and sporting a very tight bun in her hair, approached us with menus. She took a closer look, and smoke began to come out of her ears.
“EXCUSE ME! But just what do you think you’re doing?”
She was looking straight at me.
“Pardon me?”
“I SAID, what do you think you’re doing?”
Before I could speak, she went off on a major tear. “Young woman, don’t you realize that we don’t allow ladies in RUMPLEMAYER’S wearing SLACKS? SL-ACKS”—she made it two syllables and pronounced them like a dirty word—“are FOR-BID-DEN!”
She was actually screaming at me. Her pipes could’ve given Ethel Merman a run for her money. I wondered if maybe her bun was too tight. Suddenly I noticed that the place had become strangely quiet: fewer clinking spoons, less slurping through straws. More than a few customers were watching us, evidently waiting to see if the hostess was going to shoot me. I was feeling like an axe murderer and at the same time awfully humiliated. I was dressed in a nice pair of black slacks, not jeans, but apparently that was still enough of a social gaffe for her to send me up the river and put me in solitary.
My friends and I were frozen in place, but this lady wouldn’t quit. I looked for the swastika on her sleeve as she continued her harangue.
“DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? FOR-BID-DEN!”
I was about to slink out backward when the image of Marlene Dietrich came to me out of nowhere. She had been in SL-ACKS and nobody had yelled at her. And all this hostess needed to do with us was to nicely explain the rules. It could have gone thusly:
Hostess: (quietly) I’m awfully sorry, miss, but Rumplemayer’s has a dress code, and ladies are not seated if they’re wearing slacks. I do hope you and your friends will come back and see us soon. Here’s a mint.
Me: (quietly) Oh, of course. I’m sorry, I didn’t know. We’ll definitely come back another time, and thank you so much for the mint. (We exit with dignity.)
End of Scene.
Simple. No problem. But noooo.
Astonishingly, she was still at it, not only for our benefit now, but clearly for that of the entire restaurant: “I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU KIDS GET OFF THINKING YOU CAN BREAK THE RULES WHENEVER YOU WANT!”
You could’ve heard a pin drop. At this point, the image of Dietrich in pants was looming full screen in my mind’s eye. I opened my mouth to speak.
“Please forgive me,” I said sweetly (but projecting so that every customer could hear), “but I have a wooden leg, and I’m too embarrassed to wear a skirt.”
Dead silence. I felt the entire restaurant getting ready to line the hostess up in front of a firing squad. She felt it, too. She led us to a back table. I dragged my wooden leg all the way across the room without bending my knee and ate my hot fudge sundae while sitting stiff-legged the whole time.
The revenge tasted sweeter than the sundae.
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We all have our favorite skits from The Carol Burnett Show. That famous Tarzan yell. The “Went With the Wind” skit. The way she tugged her ear at the end of every show. What’s yours? Post a comment about your favorite Carol Burnett moment to enter for your chance to win the best Mother’s Day gift ever: A short phone conversation with Carol about her new memoir. Other lucky runners-up will win autographed copies of This Time Together. Winners selected at random. Limited quantities. No purchase necessary.
I enjoyed the show Mama’s Family.
My mother-in-law Jane Draper is a dead ringer for Carol Burnett. People comment to her all the time about how much she looks like Ms. Burnett. Jane is a true fan of Ms. Burnett. I know for a fact that Jane’s favorite skit is the Gone With Wind skit, but I think her favorite recurring character was Carol as the cleaning lady. My mother-in-law would be so excited to get to spend some time on the phone with a person she so admires and enjoys. Course, it wouldn’t hurt to be the daughter-in-law who won her the opportuntiy.
For me, it’s pretty much impossible to pick a favorite skit. They were ALL great! If I had to choose, however, I liked the one she did with the horse—where the horse “did its business” right in the middle of the sketch! It was sooo unexpected!! There is nobody else like Carol Burnett and there never will be! She is truly an original! Love her!
Just this morning I was thinking about the Carol Burnett show! I grew up watching the show and hope one day to own a DVD set of all of the show episodes. Carol is, hands down, my favorite comedienne of all time. Love you, Carol…God bless!!!
My favorite memory of Carol Burnett is laying on the floor of our living room on Saturday nights, to watch the CBS shows of Mary Tyler Moore, Bob Newhart and then the Carol Burnett show as a youngster. Often times I would go to bed with a sore stomach muscles from laughing so much.
I grew up with the show and the year after I had graduated from high school was when Carol ended the show. I still spent Saturday night with my family watching those shows into my college years. I remember thinking after her last show how much different Saturday nights would be without the show.
But it is a time I still treasure and remember with fondness. My favorite skit is the “Gone with the Wind.” I laughed myself silly when I seen Carol come down the stairs with that dress.
Thx for the good memories Carol on tv and sharing parts of your life with us!
This book would be a fantastic read, and I would be honored to speak with Carol about it. I don’t have a specific skit from the Carol Burnett show that’s a favorite, I loved every minute of the show!
I don’t have a specific skit that’s my favorite, I just watched and enjoyed the whole show every week. I loved it all.
What I remember the best and with the greatest happiness is watching Carol Burnett at my beloved Grandparents house, and all of us laughing together. I am 52 years old, and that’s the very best.
I watched Carol Burnett EVERYTime she was on. Even as a teenager, I may not have had time for my parents, but I was always home when her show was on. I can’t name just 1 funny program, they all had me cracking up. Even today, just thinking about her brings a smile to my face. Thank you Carol, for all the funny times and the great memories.
I loved when she played “Mrs. Whiggins” with Tim Conway. I spent most of the hour laughing whenever she was on, even if it was a repeat!
My favorite skits from the Carol Burnett show were anytime she was onscreen as the character, Mrs. Wiggins (pronounced mrs. ahwiggins” by her boss Mr. Tudball, played by Tim Conway). The chemistry of those two onscreen together, playing those two characters, never failed to crack me up!
i loved the carol burnett show, its a treasure to watch it still, the stars made my brother and i laugth literally , rolling on the floor!!its impossible to feel sad,watching her!!
Carol Burnett was like our TV aunt at home; we watched all of her shows, and I loved every moment of them… but I would have to say the way she ended her shows was the best. A real one-on-one between her and the audience that made you feel like family. Thank you Carol Burnett.
I loved her shows throughout, but the ending was the best. A real one-on-one between Burnett and the audience, and she made us all feel like family. Thank you Carol Burnett!
Tarzan yell… what guts!
…thank you Carol Burnett. I’m so glad we had this time together.
I’m so glad we had this time together…
My favorite skit was the spoof on Gone with the Wind when Carol is in her dress made of curtains and she has left in the curtain rod. It was hysterical!
My favorite part of this show was when Harvey Korman and Tim Conway was always cracking each other up! They were funny as well as Carol Burnett
My favorite was the skit where she made Scarlett O’Hara’s dress out of the curtains (including the curtain rod) She never had to say a word and you could just laugh at the situation.
My favorite was the Scarlet O’Hara skit where she made her famous outfit from the curtains (including the curtain rod) She didn’t have to say one word the skit said it all! She is a true comedian. Perfect in every way.!!!!
I will never forget the remake of Gone with the Wind Carol did on her show…the image of her coming down the spiral staircase with a pair of drapes still attached to the drapery rod is still making me smile whenever I think about it! I love her!
Carol Burnett is a classy lady. I grew up watching all of her shows. The book sounds very interesting.
It is easy to admire Carol Burnett. She is a classy lady and has accomplished much in her life. I grew up watching her on television weekly. The book sounds like a good read.
For me and my family The Carol Burnett show was the time of the week when we all got to sit down together and really laugh, no matter what was going on in our life. My parents worked all the time and time together was hard to come by. But, when Eunice decided to visit with Mama, it was hysterical. So, I guess my favorite skit was The Carol Burnett Show. Thank you Carol for the memories I can recall of the big smiles and laughs.
My favorite Carol Burnett moment was the “Went With The Wind” skit. Carol Burnett played Scarlett O’Hara in a dress made from a window curtain, complete with the curtain rod. Of course, I can still remember the words to “I’m so glad we had this time together…” I loved this show and pretty well watched it every week.
I have LOVED Carol Burnett since I was a kid. I always watched her show. Loved the sketches with Harvey, Vicky and Tim. It was always fun to hear the questions at the beginning of the show and I always loved when she sang her song at the end and tugged her ear. I would love to talk with her on the phone or receive her new book. Either one would be awesome to me! Thanks for the opportunity to win!
I always loved watching Carol Burnett as a kid. I loved to see what skit she came up with next. She was so creative and still is. Always loved the question session at the beginning of the show and of course her song at the end tugging her ear. It would be awesome to talk with Carol. It would be great to receive a book, too. Either one would be great! Thanks for the opportunity.
definitely scarlett and the drapes still on the rod dress- priceless for those of us Southerners raised on GWTW!!!
Carol Burnett is the warmest most sincere person on television. Watching the whole crew of the Carol Burnett show still leaves us laughing uncontrollably. I wish that we could see the show on TV land or something instead of little snippets here and there.
I can’t wait to read this book. Every Sunday night we sat down as a family to laugh with Carol Burnett. We felt as if she was a member of our family.
Favorite moment from the show? As cliched as it is, it is probably Went With the Wind. I was a child when I saw that, and reading Gone With the Wind was never the same after that….;-)
I would love a phone call with Carol Burnett! But would absoultley love an autographed copy of “This time Together”. I hope that I get chosen. My mother would love this. I would also love to say, Happy Mother’s day to all. And to have a nice and safe Mother’s day!
Please, I would love this for my mother for mothers day. I just love Carol Burnett, she has a very unique tast for writing. And she is a beautiful woman, who has great and splended talent. Even though I will not probally get the autographed book or phone call with Carol Burnett, I will still love her books and her style. Thank you for letting me enter in this contest. I am crossing my fingerst that I will be able to get an autographed copy of Carol Burnett book. May peace be with all, and I wish you all Happy Mothers Day! (And more to come)
My favorite moment is the Scarlett turning a curtain into a dress. Love it and it makes me laugh out loud each and every time I watch it!
My favorite memories of the Carol Burnett show are of the cast members getting each other to break character. It was always so funny to see Tim Conway and others making their peers do something unplanned!
Another of my favorites is when Carol sings the song at the end of the show. I always used to sit on my mother’s lap watching the show, and after that song it was time to go to bed. She still sings that song whenever I’ve been home and it’s time for us to part, so that song and Carol have a special place in my heart…sort of a sweet, sad place, that still always makes me laugh.
love the office skits with harvey korman and tim conway, also the momma skits…Carol is a comedic gem
Oh my! I used to come home from school and get my homework done so I could watch Carol while mom made supper. I LOVED that show.
I think my favorite episode would have to be the one where carol took the curtain rod and curtain (I believe it was an emerald green color – I could be wrong) and wore it as part of the costume.
I’m sure like everything else in the show it was totally spontaneous and improvisational, but that is what I loved most about the show.
I’m a thirty-something mom of 2 boys now and some of my favorite memories of high school was performing Reader’s Theater & Group Improv at Speech Contest.
I can honestly say that I know why the improv was so much fun! We did the best when we worked hard at planning out our performance and then rolling with the punches!
Congratulations Carol! I am one of your hugest fans! I can’t wait until my boys get old enough that I can sit down and laugh through your shows with them.
As a parent, I miss the type of TV I grew up with – you were a classic and right now I’m introducing them to Little House on the Prairie. That’s when TV was good.
I will always love the dress made from the drapes.
The Carol Burnett Show was a family tradition for our family. The outside world stop for us when this show came on. It was the one time that our entire family would make time to be together and together we would laugh. I cannot wait to read this book. This is a woman that achieved so much and never, in the world of Hollywood, did you ever hear a bad word about Carol. Her’s is a story I will enjoy reading.
One of the things I loved the most was the way that Harvey Korman always had trouble keeping a straight face…some of the funniest scenes were with him cracking up when he wasn’t supposed to.
My favorite skit will forever be the “Gone With the Wind” spoof. “I just saw it in the window and had to have it.” Fantastic.
The endless superlatives for the depth and scope of talent that the wonderful Ms. Burnett brought the world are not necessary for anyone fortuitous to have watched her perform.
My fondest memories of the Carol Burnett show is my own Mother’s laughter. This was a woman who in spite of a handicap brought up four of us children entirely on her own in very turbulent and difficult times.
I only think about it now in rememberance, but she did not have a great deal to laugh about in that decade or so when the show aired on the television in our home. And yet, I do not believe the bright humor of Carol’s show ever once failed to bring tears of joy to my mother.
Oh how she would laugh… And I too, even when I was too young to completely understand the gags.
My mother is still with us, but would be be unable to hear on the phone any longer, so I’d have to pass on the phone conversation. Too bad you do not have a a Father’s day offering for myself. Nonetheless, I’m going to have to order her book. Perhaps one for each of us.
Anyway, my sincerest thanks to Ms. Burnett, God Blessed you as no other in the business of laughter since.